NNSquad - Network Neutrality Squad
[ NNSquad ] Star Trek Meets the HP TouchPad!
Star Trek Meets the HP TouchPad!
http://lauren.vortex.com/archive/000892.html
FADE IN:
INT. - BRIDGE OF THE U.S.S. ENTERPRISE
CAPTAIN KIRK
Proceed to Starbase 12, Warp Factor 3.
LIEUTENANT UHURA
Captain, message coming in from Starfleet
Command on the priority channel!
KIRK
Read it, Communications Officer.
UHURA
"Federation authorities have been notified that contrary to
previous reports, additional units of the Hewlett-Packard "TouchPad"
will be manufactured and made available for sale, at essentially the
same drastically reduced prices as have been earlier noted. Details
to follow. Signed, Commodore Budgell, Star Base 15, Star Fleet
Command." ( http://j.mp/oGLzEQ [HP] )
LIEUTENANT COMMANDER SPOCK
Fascinating.
LIEUTENANT COMMANDER SCOTT
Aye! This means I might finally have a chance to work with one of those
babies. And lithium-ion powered, too!
SPOCK
I fail to discern the sense in HP manufacturing additional units of a
product line that they had already announced was being liquidated due
to previous lack of sales.
LIEUTENANT COMMANDER McCOY
You don't understand the human psychology, Spock! Everything changed
when HP drastically reduced the price to sell out their inventory!
SPOCK
I'm well aware of that, Doctor. What I find completely illogical is the
manufacturing of additional units to be sold at the same price as the
liquidated units. If the point of the entire exercise was to empty existing
stocks of TouchPads so that HP could exit that product line, why would
they then want to build more of them? It's like digging a tunnel and then
shipping in more dirt so that you can do additional excavation.
YEOMAN JANICE RAND
Coffee, Captain?
KIRK
Thank you, Yeoman. Spock, I know it doesn't seem logical, but as
you're well aware we humans don't always behave in logical ways, and
that's particularly true when sale prices are involved.
RAND
Did you say there's a sale? I love sales!
McCOY
See what we mean, Spock?
SCOTT
Aye! And remember, we poor, illogical humans love to tinker, too.
I'll have Android, CyanogenMod, and remote access to
the helm controls running on that baby before you can say
"Regulan Bloodworm" three times without stopping!
McCOY
Please Scotty, I just had lunch.
SPOCK
This is all very interesting, but it still doesn't answer the
question of why a firm would increase their stock of a product that
they had wanted to eliminate!
McCOY
Do you remember when I taught you to play poker, Spock?
SPOCK
Remember? T'Pau still hasn't forgiven me for becoming the only Vulcan
in history to be in financial debt to an outworlder.
McCOY
Well, that's what it's like with HP and the TouchPad! It's not a matter
just of inventories and bottom lines, but of longer-range strategy and
planning.
SPOCK
My impression has been that human long-range planning is most
closely akin to the uncertainty principle than anything else, especially
when it comes to Hewlett-Packard.
SCOTT
Now that's not being very fair. Look at how well HP handled DEC
and Compaq!
SPOCK
(Spock stands silently, staring at Scott.)
SCOTT
Perhaps those weren't the best examples ...
KIRK
Gentlemen, I know we'd all like to have TouchPads to play with, but for
now there's work to be done or nobody gets paid. Doctor, Scotty, back
to your stations please. Spock, you've stood three watches in a row --
I order you to go get some rest.
SPOCK
As you order, Captain. I'll be in my cabin if I'm needed.
CUT TO:
INT. - SPOCK'S CABIN
(Doors hiss open, Spock enters, doors hiss closed. Room is
packed with boxed and unboxed iPads from floor to ceiling.
Spock carefully weaves between the high stacks, sits down,
and begins strumming his Vulcan Harp.)
SPOCK
(Muttering to himself.)
Humans! Totally illogical.
- - -
--Lauren--
Lauren Weinstein (lauren@vortex.com): http://www.vortex.com/lauren
Co-Founder: People For Internet Responsibility: http://www.pfir.org
Founder:
- Network Neutrality Squad: http://www.nnsquad.org
- Global Coalition for Transparent Internet Performance: http://www.gctip.org
- PRIVACY Forum: http://www.vortex.com
Member: ACM Committee on Computers and Public Policy
Blog: http://lauren.vortex.com
Google+: http://vortex.com/g+lauren
Twitter: https://twitter.com/laurenweinstein
Tel: +1 (818) 225-2800 / Skype: vortex.com